Large Birds, Spiders | And Momtwo And A Half Men ...

The condor immediately took flight in terror. The spider curled into a ball and rolled off the deck into the sand.

The doorbell rang. It wasn’t the date. It was .

“I don’t care if you named them 'The Pointer Sisters,' get them off my deck! I have a date coming over in twenty minutes and ‘Death by Nature’ isn't the vibe I’m going for.” Large Birds, Spiders and MomTwo and a Half Men ...

Perched on the railing was a the size of a small aircraft. Next to it, a massive Tarantula —likely a runaway from a neighbor’s exotic collection—was casually making its way toward Charlie’s discarded sandwich.

“There,” Evelyn said, turning around with a sharp smile. “Even Mother Nature knows better than to overstay her welcome in my presence.” The condor immediately took flight in terror

Charlie Harper’s beachfront Malibu deck was usually reserved for expensive scotch and questionable decisions, but today it looked like a deleted scene from a low-budget horror movie.

“Alan, I’m telling you, it’s staring at me,” Charlie hissed, peering through the glass sliding door. It wasn’t the date

She swept into the living room, smelling of Chanel No. 5 and cold ambition. She didn't even look at her sons. She walked straight to the glass door, locked eyes with the giant bird, and tapped on the pane with a manicured nail.